The Heat (2013)

Sandra Bullock, fresh from a critically praised sci fi film, Gravity, give us another pitiful film to her resume.  I don't get the love for her.  She's just an annoying woman, who just happened to copy Brad and Angelina's style by adopting an African child.  I also don't get the love for Melissa McCarthy.  I personally don't even find her remotely funny or entertaining.  They mostly use her for fat jokes and let me tell you.....That joke is running dry.  Seriously, every other joke in this film is a fat joke about how she looks like an ape or some stupid thing, ew.  This film also comes from another overrated person: the director of Bridesmaids.  That film gave McCarthy a start in this world and I can never forgive it.  It was also extremely boring.  So, what do you get with this combination?  You get the Heat.

The plot is to convoluted to enjoy or explain so let me say this.  It's Sandra Bullock meeting a dirty fat slob (Not a fat joke from me.  She is a dirty fat slob in this film).  They don't like each other, but wait!  They end up doing so!  So unpredictable guys.  Also, McCarthy's brother used to work for a drug operation, but wait!  He goes back to them.  Wow, this film has a lot of crazy twists and turns guys!  McCarthy's parents and family (for a matter of fact) hate her.  Oh, but don't you blink for one second or you'll miss the greatest twist of all time!  They end up liking her!  Oooo, director Paul Feig sure is a master at twists.  M. Night, you have some competition right there.

If you can't tell that obvious sarcasm in the previous paragraph, I'll explain.  This film is predictable.  Nothing original added to the story.  Not even something remotely fresh.  This is just basically Kevin Smith's Cop Out redone with women.  Seriously, they could have done something much better.  It also doesn't help that female Jonah Hill is incapable of being nearly as funny as.....Jonah Hill.  She's just boring and all she does is cuss up a storm and flick her boss off.  Ooo, that's so daring Feig..  You are a risk taker.  It's nothing we haven't seen before, and it was done much better in previous films.  However, it's just a mere cash grab to the unsuspecting fools in the world.

Overall, avoid this film like you would avoid an STD.  It's not funny, fresh, or exciting.  It's the polar opposite of that.  The Heat is unfunny, redundant, and boring.  Paul Feig, congratulations on stealing my money.  You fooled me for the second time!  Oh, you swindler, you.  You won't get me the third time!  Sandra Bullock is completely unlikable to the point of where I just forgot she existed.  McCarthy......do I need to say more?  It's a terrible film and a terrible disappointment at that.  I prefer to not review a film with bias, so I thought maybe this would be decent.  Nope.  To all you future buddy cop comedies, come up with something new!  Cop Out and the Heat were to miserable fails.

2/10