Aliens vs Predator: Requiem

Well, the alien-oriented film reviews must continue, so what do I have in store for you fellow reviews?  I have a review for this terrible crime against cinema.  Alien and Predator were both two very separate franchises going in direction differently.  However, this all changed when Predator 2 came out and everyone saw the infamous ending.  You never watched Predator 2?  Well, in the end, Danny Glover has found himself in the Predator's ship, in the ship, there were the skulls of many alien life-forms.  One of which was the Xenomorph from Alien.  This Easter Egg was enjoyable in a not-so-enjoyable film, but when it is executed, it doesn't work at all.  Just to give you a reason not to watch this movie, I will say this.  This film was made by the Strause brothers, who I originally didn't know a thing about.  However, their second film after this was.......Skyline.  That's pretty much a death penalty right there.

Alien vs Predator: Requiem is about the Predator ship from the end of Alien vs Predator.  The ship is under attack by the all new Predalien, a Predator/Xenomorph hybrid.  They soon crash land in a typical white people neighborhood.  The typical white people in that neighborhood get are caught in the middle of the war between Alien and Predator.  Is it a nice premise?  Well, the Predalien idea would seem cool.  I mean a Xenomorph/Predator Hybrid sounds pretty awesome.  But it fails and becomes pointless.  Also, it doesn't make sense considering how the Predalien bursted from a Predator.  Would that mean that the regular Xenomorph isn't affected at all when it bursts from a human?  So a Predator can alter the genes of a Xenomorph, but a human can't?  Yeah, I'll just buy the logic.

Anyways, AVPR is the pinnacle of bad movies.  How an someone mess up one of the best monster mash movies of all time?  Well, Paul W.S. Anderson did, but that guy ruins everything.  Seriously, we're given some dumb humans, whose only point in the film is to be target practice for Predator's zap gun.  They literally were a bunch of idiotic, sex-driven teens as our main characters.  At least, the main bitch was eaten by a Xenomorph....Or I think she was killed by Predator's little tomahawk.....OR SOMETHING! Then, the special effects.....What year did this come out?  2007?  How did the original Alien which came out 3 decades before this look a million times better?  The CGI looks horrible.  It's on par with Mortal Kombat: Annihilation and to a degree: 10,000 BC (Suck it up, Jed.)  Usually when a film blends in CGI with practical effects like this, it would look good!  That is, if the practical effects were somewhat decent!  Goodness, we're in the 21st century and they couldn't produce something better?  

Then, the action sequences are nearly impossible to tell!  There is a jump cut every 2 seconds during a fight.  It would take your forever to guess what Predator was doing during the fights.  It also doesn't help that whoever did the lighting doesn't know how to create a dark feel, but have people still see what's going on.  Everything was murky and you couldn't tell who was killed.  For a second, I literally thought they killed the main character.  They couldn't even get the lighting done right!  Uh, these guys suck at everything they did!  They have this awful scene where they show some Xenomorph embryo killing a human embryo and it's completely just hilarious.  Congratulation, AVP2!!!!  You made me laugh at a baby's death!

Overall, yeah.....I could have accepted the plot for being as moronic as it was.  However, AVPR is a crime not only to both the Alien and Predator franchises, but to me and film in general.  The action scenes are worse than the final fight in Alex Cross.  Yeah, that bad.  I wasn't expecting characters I would love, but this is a new low.  Everyone fits in the perfect archetype of a horror film.  The average looking teen guy who somehow gets a model to like him.  The dumb bitch who falls in love with the main character and causes problems for him.  The jock who bullies are main character and is killed.  I could go on and on.  This film is literally AIDs if AIDs was in cinema form.  At what point did the producers stop and think "Yeah, this is a bad idea"?  My guess, they never did.  If you choose to watch this film, you may not make it out alive.  I did, but barely and nearly thought of putting a bullet in my mouth around 20 minutes.  But I fought through it and survived.

0.5/10