True Romance (1993)

Quentin Tarantino is most commonly known for reinventing film in general.  His script for Pulp Fiction defied all laws of film and is considered by most to be the greatest script ever written.  However, a year before he released Pulp Fiction, he wrote the script for True Romance, a genre bending wild ride filled with very intriguing performances and some very funny dialogue.

People tend to think, oh, this is that one film that was written by Tarantino, but directed by someone else (though that someone is an established director).  What they forget to mention, is that this film is actually better than most, if not all his films.  Yeah, it is pretty violent.  Yeah, it does get cheesy at points, but they all enhance the experience for this film.  It truly makes for an entertaining fest of guns, romance, and just Tarantino.

I am not the biggest fan of Tony Scott, granted he has made some fun films, like Unstoppable.  However, here his direction is actually good!  It's nicely shot in that 90s crime format that I love so much.  And he expertly handles the cheesy love moments well along with the bloody, over the top action scenes along with the humor.  It's his best film to date, and I really felt he had talent.

The best moments of the film focus more on Clarence's borderline obsession with Elvis Presley.  These moments can be comical, and trust me, they are so funny.  But these reveal a lot about Clarence himself.  He's a good hearted man, but he's too hotheaded to think straight.  At times, he lets his emotions get the best.  In fact, had he not been so emotional, the events of the film wouldn't happen.  The Elvis Presley moments are some of the best moments in the film....Not to mention Val Kilmer plays it excellently.

The acting in this film is phenomenal.  Christian Slater, who's been on a huge slump, is fit to play the role of Clarence.  He's got that thing where he can talk slickly and act cool, but when you notice what he's saying, you realize he's a creep.  Yeah, that kinda thing.  Christopher Walken is in the film for a short 10 minutes, but those 10 minutes were the greatest 10 minutes ever....Not to mention he was in the scene with Dennis Hopper.  Two great actors, one great scene.  Brad Pitt comes in as a stoner, but he's more of a side character, but he's very likable and I think Chase Nyland would enjoy his moments.  Samuel L. Jackson has a small cameo as a random gangsta who, quote-on-quote, "loves to eat pussy."  Oh, and there's Gary Oldman, who I did not recognize until afterward.  He plays a wigger that is the root of the problem, and yeah, he's amazing.  If you don't like the film, you must admit, there is some top notch acting going on.

Lots of people think Tarantino's name can help a bandwagon, but they're wrong.  There have been blunders on Tarantino's account that I cannot forget.  However, with True Romance, he hits the nail on the head.  He writes a wonderful script, filled with likable characters and moments of pure awe.  I can see why people would think that this film is just some random love film, with action scenes.  And some people might hate that.  However, since I grew up on romance films, I've had a personal bond to them.  And seeing Tarantino make a parody of them, makes me feel right at home.  I guess I had so much fun with pointing out the romance tropes that Tarantino and Scott were making fun of, that I would feel bad if I didn't give this a 10/10.  It truly deserves it....

Also, points for the name, which is a play on all the cheesy, sappy romance books/films on the 50s.

10/10

The Last Stand

Such a disappointment this film was.  Listen, I'm a huge Kim Jee-Woon fan and an even huger Arnold Schwarzenegger fan, but this film just didn't work.  I have an undying fangasmic appreciation for Korean cinema, as they tend to be the best, and Jee-Woon is supposed to be the greatest.  He brought us the Good, the Bad, and the Weird, I Saw the Devil (A personal favorite), and quite possibly the scariest film ever, A Tale of Two Sisters.  That coupled with "You're a fucking choir boy compared to me!  Choir boy!" should have equated to pure awesomeness.  Unfortunately, though, the Last Stand is the biggest letdown since Park Chan Wook's Stoker.  I think these Korean filmmakers are out of their element when they make these American films.

The Last Stand's problems begin almost immediately as we're given some uninteresting villain, who's goal is rather uninteresting.  Sure, this is nothing new for an Arnold film, but when we're talking Kim Jee-Woon, I was expecting a bit more.  Then, there's the lack of quotable Arnold lines.  When I saw the trailer for this, I expected to come out of this film quoting away every line Arnold said.  Unfortunately, he has none.  Not even one remotely funny line.

Then, there's the acting....Now, listen, when Arnold isn't hamming it up as a one-liner, you can really notice his terrible acting.  There's a scene where he's supposed to drop a tear (That alone is just wrong on so many levels.  Schwarzenegger doesn't cry...He kills) and you can really see that he's trying his best to drop one tear.  But, it's nearly impossible to get this man to cry.  I really wish he was given some form of one-liners, so that scene could be erased from memory, but it doesn't help.  I mean, I really hate to dog on this guy, considering he has a thick Euro accent, has no vocal range, and is "old", but it cannot go unnoticed.

Then, the film is too cartoony, Jee-Woon's signature style.  Yes, it may have worked in the Good the Bad and the Weird, but here, it just doesn't quite work.  It seems very cheap looking.  Come to think of it.....cartoony isn't Jee-Woon's style.  Two Sisters and I Saw the Devil were very gritty, though sometimes Devil could get a little too cartoonish.  It's just that the style in this film is so grating.  It reminds me of the Good the Bad and the Weird, but it definitely doesn't have the scripting style that film had.

Then, comes in another problem, it's script.  I like some of the actors that showed up in this film.  From Forrest "Something Bad Happened Here" Whitaker to Peter Stormare (the bad guy in Fargo), I really did like their appearances and they had some real charm to them.  However, the script more than often lets them down as, again, nothing witty or funny is thrown at them.  It's just really sad to see that their careers have come down to this....Well....Forrest Whitaker did star in that racist film, the Buttler....But, I'm kinda pissed that Peter Stormare hasn't had a John Lithgow career yet.  I liked the guy in Prison Break and in Fargo.  Sad.

It's attempts at humor are, again, awfully bland.  Who wrote this film?  Peter Jackson?  Goodness, the humor ranges from Johnny Knoxville (a painfully unfunny comedian) shooting a watermelon to fucking Johnny Knoxville shooting a mini-gun.  Also, it stars that fat Mexican guy from all those strange films like Waiting.... and Punch-Drunk Love (though I love this one), and let's say that this guy is rather interesting....And then, he gets a 50 cal bullet to the chest.  Which brings me to the one redeeming value of this film.  It is gleefully violent.  Some of the action sequences are freaking sweet.  Take for example, when Schwarzenegger blew that guy's brains out while falling.  Now that is what I came for...Too bad it took 1 hour and 20 minutes just to get to some Schwarzenegger kicking butt!!!

Overall, it does have some gleefully over-the-top moments of pure fun...But that doesn't excuse the boring first half, the terrible acting, and the lack of Schwarzenegger one-liners.  I came for a freaking sweet time!  From the director of my second favorite horror film (Love ya, Freaks) and my personal favorite action star, comes quite possibly the most disappointing film ever.  Kim Jee-Woon's perfect track record with me is now ruined because he went to America to film this film.  I think Koreans should just stay making their films like how they are, considering how this and Stoker were awful.  In the end, there's much worse fare (Bullet to the Head?  Anyone?), but this is not a good film.

3/10

The Usual Suspects (1995)

I've actually watched this film multiple times, but I rewatched it just to make sure it was good, and look out.  It's good.  The Usual Suspects was my first Bryan Singer film and had been a childhood favorite of mine for a while.  I've loved a lot of great things in this film.  The acting, directing, story, characters, and dialogue were all phenomenal.  The film starts off slowly, giving a rather simple plot at first.  Then, many twists and turns are thrown your way and it's one hell of a ride to watch.  This entire week I've watched 8 other movies: Re-Animator (7/10), Breakfast Club (5/10), Arachnophobia rewatch (8/10), There Will Be Blood rewatch (6/10), and the next couple are not worthy of a mention, due  to their value being extremely low.  However, the Usual Suspects earns the best film of the week award, and it wasn't a close finish.  It blew the other films away.

The Usual Suspects starts off really simple.  After a truck has been hijacked and stolen, the police officers capture 5 very high profile criminals: Fenster (played by Benicio del Toro), McManus (Stephen Baldwin), Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey), Hockney (Pete P.), and Keaton (played by Gabriel Bryne).  Now, they are all very suspicious as to why they were all put in one lineup because you never put 5 very good criminals in the same lineup.  They soon find out that it is a setup, and are put there for one reason, which I won't specify.  However, they are all there because one man wants them to be there; Keyser Soze.  Keyser Soze is a myth, an urban legend, who is rarely seen.  He brings the group together, so that they can take out a huge stash of coke that a rival, Hungarian gang is selling to the Argentinians.  Of course....there is more to this plot than meets the eye, and when it comes full circle, you'll be amazed.

The best part of the Usual Suspects is the dialogue.  It's snappy, quick, and very witty at times.  The actors speak a mile a minute, so you better be paying close attention to what they say or you'll be forced to rewind the scene to get the dialogue right.  While this may not bode well with many people, this actually gives the film a huge advantage for me.  There is a lot of things to be said in this film and if they spoke at a mild pace, it would really slow the film down.  Also, there are moments of pure wit and hilarity.  When I had to rewind a scene because I missed one important line, I found a couple of funny one-liners tossed in, such as when McManus broke the fourth wall.  It's fun to know that there are some lines you'll miss, so you test yourself to see if you got it.  Many casual moviegoers will be scratching their heads trying to make sense, that is if they have slow hearing.  However, most people shouldn't really have a problem.

Another wonderful thing is the style and acting.  It's a very slickly made film, featuring Singer's typical flare that he adds to all his films.  The camera pans are stylistic and some shots are purely magical.  I love when a film can combine both style and substance into one amazing concoction of epic proportions, and this film is one of those films.  Unlike *cough*Drive*cough*, it has enough narrative smarts and more than 1 line of dialogue per scene.  And unlike Bullhead (fight me, Belgians), it has enough style to keep the film fresh and unique.  However, where the film is nearly at it's best is the acting.  All of the actors gave well rounded performances.  Gabriel Bryne as Keaton is a mix of anger and self loathing.  Benicio Del Toro has great comedic moments in his scenes, though he was more of a background character.  Stephen Baldwin gave a good performance as well.  However, the one man that stole the show....was none other than John Doe: Kevin Spacey.  I've always known Spacey was a great actor, but here, it's like on a different level.  Sure, his John Doe performance in Se7en was great.  One of the best.  However, I completely found myself more interested in Verbal Kint.  A truly unique character, with some great acting, can end up being the best thing ever.

Overall, to keep it short.  The Usual Suspects is one of my favorite films ever.  It's fast paced, fun, and filled to the brim with great dialogue.  The acting is phenomenal from all, especially Kevin Spacey.  The dialogue is spoken a little too fast at times.  And I did predict the ending, though I doubted it a couple of times.  And Benicio del Toro should've had a bigger part in it.  However, those flaws are easily outmatched by this simple, yet cunning film.  Crafted by a good director in Springer, coupled with an excellent script, this is a prime example of what crime dramas should be about.  Have a good amount of substance and tension, while throwing in some style, and you will have yourselves another classic.

9/10

Re-Animator (1985)

"I gave him life!"

Here's to some good schlocky fun!  *downs whiskey*  The 80s were a time of weird fashion trends, cheesy horror flicks, and good music.  It's a time in which I wish I had lived through, due to the sheer awesomeness of how life was like back then.  Gas was low and movies were cheese.  Maybe I would have loved this film even more if I had seen it back in the 80s, or when I was a child.  But Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator is a great horror experience that nothing from that era can ever measure up to.  It's fun, unique, and pretty gory with it's kills....like really gory.  So much at times, you may be able to cringe if you at some of the gruesome deaths, like a freaking shovel decapitation.  So, yeah, this not for weak stomachs.  But, being the guy that I am, I didn't mind it cause it seemed very 80s.  Not like that's a bad thing.  Stuart Gordon, who did Robot Jox (only the initiated will understand), crafted a film that perfectly embodies the 80s at a whole: a fun, cheesy, unique, and weird time.

 

Based on the H.P. Lovecraft book of the same name, Re-Animator focuses on Dan Cain, a doctor in training.  He studies at some medical school, where he gets hands on experience, and places dead bodies in the mortician's room.  Oh, and he's also sleeping with the dean's daughter, so that's a win-win.  Enter Herbert West, or the Re-Animator if you would.  He joins the school after something bad went down in his Switzerland-based school.  Instantly, he proves himself a genius, knowing much more about the human brain that his teacher does.  He's also a condescending little rat, who pisses off the very same teacher he's smarter than.  Anyways, he finds an ad for a roommate rent, and guess who's home it is!?  It's Cain's!  He moves in and for a while, is very quiet.  That is until Cain walks in on him re-animating a dead cat, that attacks both of them.  What works well for the film is it's imaginative premise.  It's silly and unique and it's the clear driving force of this film.  It's a huge positive that helps it avoid yawning.

Of course, as I have said, the film is super, ultra cheesy.  However, it's not the Walmart brand cheese stick.  It's actually the good kind.  The fermented one....(sorry, got carried away).  It's dialogue has that cheese-filled goofy 80s vibe to it, but it enhances the film.  If I weren't watching it on an HDTV, I'm pretty sure I would've thought that I had entered the 80s full on.  Also, while the acting from the cast as a whole is not impressive, Jeffrey Combs is actually quite entertaining as the anit-hero (yes, he's not the true villain).  He reeks of cheese, but like I said, it works for the film.  It's not a film to be taken seriously, though it does quite possibly want to speak about something.  I felt like the film wanted to speak about something (good or bad I don't know) that goes on in the medical field.  Maybe too much medical practicing can turn someone into a psychotic re-animator.  Eh, I wasn't truly understanding what it wasn't trying to tell us, but oh well, I guess it needs a rewatch.

With all the positives there can be negatives with the film as well....and it's the same thing I was praising in the previous paragraph.  The cheese in this film can sometimes go stale, but not full on Walmart brand, no!  There are some lines of dialogue that can be a little over-the-top, namely the one scene of romance in the film.  It's not like a romance in a film can suck.  It's just the things they said to each other were just corny, rather than cheesy.  For a second, I thought this film would devolve into the Notebook.  Also, the characters seem to be able to cope with things much better than the average person can.  If someone killed my father and re-animated him, I'd be pissed off to the point of no return.  Yet, the character handled it pretty well in this film.  Also, the same goes for the cat.  I would kick that man out of my home if he did that.  It's just a little to gleefully cheesy at times.

Overall, Re-Animator is a good time for a Friday or Saturday night.  It's fun, campy, cheesy, and gory.  The deaths are a little over-the-top, but it helps in a film this creative.  Also, Cabin in the Woods, you know that film that came out in '12, ripped this film's final act off so bad.  You can see an obvious style in the final act that Cabin had as well, and quite honestly, that really helps this film.  Usually, when a film inspires another film, whether that other film is sub-par or not, it helps that film that came out first.  And considering it's a 20 year time difference, I'm pretty sure that it was coincidence.  However, enough with all this "borrowed" inspiration.  The Re-Animator is a perfect example of cheese done right, unlike the original Evil Dead.  It's humor at times may be too deadpan, but in the end, it really does make for a great film.

7/10

Cinema Paradiso (1988)

Well, maybe I was in full fanboyism when I first gave it the score of 9/10.  I was wrong.  Don't get me wrong!  Giuseppe Tornatore's Cinema Paradiso (or Nuovo Cinema Paradiso) is a good film.  Definitely better than a lot of the schlock that comes out now-a-days.  However, while the first two acts are amazing.  When Salvatore becomes a teen, the film just falls apart.  I'm sorry, but this film easily went from a cinema loving film, a love note to cinema, to just becoming a sappy romance story with little meat.  I mean, there's nothing wrong with romance films (Hey, my favorite film of all time is a romance film).  But I just was expecting much more than what I got.  This is a classic case of hype really killing a film.  It's a shame too because I was enjoying the first half.

Nuovo Cinema Paradiso is in short, a tribute to film in general.  The story follows the life of a boy named Salvatore, who lives in a small town in Italy.  He works as an altar boy and goes to Catholic school, but he has no interest in either of those.  What he does have an interest in is the art of cinema.  He sneaks into his local movie theater, where he watches the uncut version of the film.  Then, on release day, nearly everyone in town gathers to watch the censored version.  Salvatore (or Toto for short) is so enticed that he sneaks into the projector room, where he meets Alfredo, the man in charge of running the film.  Alfredo teaches Toto the ways of cinema and Salvatore grows up to become a well known film director.  Most of the film is based on Tornatore's life experiences as a child, and how he grew up to become a director.

Now, I'll start off with the things I loved about this film.  First off, the film is excellently shot.  Tornatore creates wonderful angles for us to enjoy this experience, and he incorporates archival footage of the films Toto watched as a kid.  There's a magical flare that is present throughout the first half, giving us what cinema is truly about: a graceful, majestic art.  The first half is easily the more charming half as well.  It features likable characters, witty dialogue, and some very humorous moments within it.  I can't tell you how much I laughed at that crazy lunatic who runs people out of the town square.  The film is also marvelously acted.  You know, I've never watched a child actor with half as much charm and charisma than Salvatore Cascio has when he plays the young Toto.  The rest of the supporting cast is great as well, including Philippe Noiret as Alfredo.  Then....the final act comes in.

The final act is not necessarily bad, but it's just a little too sappy.  Whereas the first act focused on Toto as a child and when he learned the art of film, the second act focuses more on his love.  The humor also noticeably dies down as well, causing this uneven tonal shift.  It hurts the movie a lot and really slows down what could've been the best film ever.  Cynical jerks, who hate romances a lot, may be turned off by this rather sappy romance.  But for me, I really didn't mind it.  It's just too reminiscent of......The Notebook(Gosling's worst film of all time, mind you) However, the acting is still just as great, even though only 2 actors were added.  

Overall, the film was basically killed by the hype, in my honest opinion.  The first two acts are easily the better half, and the last one dissolves into The Notebook.  I can't believe that such a great film can have such a weak ending.  However, if you look past the cheesy romance, you will find the true gems of this film.  It's well acted, features great acting, and is nostalgic.  Even though I didn't live in the 50s, the film does make me reminisce of a time in which I did not exist.  It's sweet and enjoyable, with a great sense of humor, though it can be a tad much (Those boys were doing what in the theater?) (o_0)....Anyways, it's a good, not great film, and should be watched by any film lover....except people who hate love stories.

7/10

Mock Film Posters/Ideas

Sometimes I don't want to review films, but my mind is still on movies.  I get very bored with not being able to watch a movie, so I make my own.  I make movie ideas up, and if I like the idea, I'll make a poster, add some actors to it, and viola!  It's done.  So, without further ado, here are some cool film ideas/poster I made.

Arcology (Sci Fi)

Set in a dystopian future, this sci fi flick follows the event of 3 successful business makers, who create an arcology.  An arcology is a new form of living.  It's a massive building that holds entire habitats within it's walls.  The 3 men who build this building all become rich and successful.  However, one of the businessmen (played by Sam Rockwell) becomes corrupt, abusing his power.  This leads to many riots, causing the murders of many civilians.  Disturbed by this, the other two businessmen leave their power behind and start a group of rebels prepared to attack their once best friend.  Starring, Sam Rockwell, Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Affleck, Ryan Gosling, Aaron Paul, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Denzel Washington, and Tom Cruise.  It will be directed by Duncan Jones, who did Moon (2009) and Source Code (2011).

Earth (Sci Fi)

Summer, 2013.  The world enjoys a peaceful summer afternoon when aliens have attacked and conquered Earth.  They subjugate the people of Earth to numerous tortures and deaths.  After all seems bleak the people of Earth, one man is found to be the savior of Earth.  Starring, Jaime Foxx.  

Bloody Fig Newtons (Horror/Comedy)

All is quiet in the town of Jacksonville, Florida.  That is until an evil cult starts worshipping Satan.  Following a brief skirmish with officers Dan and Johnny, the cult leader escapes to an abandoned Fig Newtons factory, which conveniently has 50 boxes of Fig Newtons inside.  Using his black magic, he ends up sending the devil and his dominion's souls into the Fig Newtons.  Filled with evil and anger, the delightful treat soon starts taking it's anger out on the town, causing mass hysteria.  Follow officers Dan and Johnny as they attempt to escape this horrible realm.  Director: Me.  Starring: John Travolta, Jeff Goldblum, Nathan Fillion, and Morgan Freeman as the Devil.  

Man of Tai Chi (2013)

When we think of Keanu Reeves, we mostly see the Matrix or Speed or Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  However, one thing I think we could agree that the one thing we didn't expect from him is to direct a feature length film.  Man of Tai Chi is Keanu's first and hopefully last film.  It's completely devoid of likable characters, cool action scenes, or decent acting.  So you might be wondering why the score is a 5/10 instead of a 1/10....Well, the film is funny, and not the good kind.  There are many laughable moments, especially near the end, and it really makes the experience much easier.  Keanu Reeves probably saw this as an action film, but I saw it as a comedy.  Nothing good comes from that.

Man of Tai Chi is about Tiger Chen, a young, innocent martial artist.  He works at the post office and doubles as a master of Tai Chi in his palace.  Running low on money, the palace is about to be closed and Tiger is running straight into debt.  So he enters a fight tournament and comes in first.  Now, Tai Chi isn't used as a fighting technique, but rather a technique used for peace within yourself.  They mention this once and it's never brought up again.  Anyways, Tiger's performance has attracted the eyes of a huge business man played by none other than Keanu Reeves.  Reeves meets with Tiger and gives him an option: You fight for him or leave.  Desperately needing money, Tiger joins "Fight Club".

The film is bad, nothing more and nothing less.  When the best actor in this film is Keanu Reeves, you know your film is gonna suck.  Everything was phoned in and the script was clearly made in under a month.  This wouldn't bother me if the film had cool fight scenes, right?  Well, sorta.  The first fight was okay.  It gets your pulse moving somewhat.  However, after that, it all went down hill.  The fights just seemed ultra repetitive and don't get me started on the "super powers" these guys have.  You heard me right.  These guys do the strangest jumps and punches.  They even threw in a Kamehameha, even though it was more of air than blue dust.  I mean, I don't mind it, seeing as I found Hero and House of the Flying Daggers to be decent.  However, I get really sick of the flying and terrible choreograph.

Oh, and speaking of choreography....OMG!  The last fight scene was just hilarious.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.  You shouldn't watch this film and they even spoiled it in the trailer, so I'll tell you what happens.  Anyways, a huge falling out occurs between Tiger and Keanu.  So, like Keanu always does, he confronts Tiger, leading to a fight at Tiger's temple.  Oh, how I've never laughed this loud before.  Watching Keanu's stupid face trying to do kung fu is just.......just too funny!  And then, they give Keanu superpowers, like semi-flying and super strength.  Oh, and there's a moment where Keanu does a drop kick on Tiger and land perfectly......That's easily the best part cause it was too obvious that there was wire work going on and.....YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT!

All in all, don't believe the hype.  Man of Tai Chi definitely doesn't deserve the 70% it has on RT right now.  The acting is atrocious.  I mean seriously, the best actor throughout this film is Keanu.  That's a sign that it isn't good.  The plot is involving, which is a shame cause it could have been a somewhat decent character study.  I mean, to see a man go from good to evil would be nice.  However, it never utilized it at all.  The action scenes are completely second rate.  This would be child's play to someone like Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Donnie Yen, or any other martial artists.  The special effects are seriously some of the worst I've seen, especially the terrible wire work on Keanu's drop kick.  This film just doesn't work....at all, except on one standard.  If you and your friends have nothing to do on a Friday night, turn this film on and enjoy a huge roasting session.  As a comedy, this film is gold.  As what it wants to be (a full throttle actionier), it fails miserably.

5/10