The Last Stand
The Last Stand's problems begin almost immediately as we're given some uninteresting villain, who's goal is rather uninteresting. Sure, this is nothing new for an Arnold film, but when we're talking Kim Jee-Woon, I was expecting a bit more. Then, there's the lack of quotable Arnold lines. When I saw the trailer for this, I expected to come out of this film quoting away every line Arnold said. Unfortunately, he has none. Not even one remotely funny line.
Then, there's the acting....Now, listen, when Arnold isn't hamming it up as a one-liner, you can really notice his terrible acting. There's a scene where he's supposed to drop a tear (That alone is just wrong on so many levels. Schwarzenegger doesn't cry...He kills) and you can really see that he's trying his best to drop one tear. But, it's nearly impossible to get this man to cry. I really wish he was given some form of one-liners, so that scene could be erased from memory, but it doesn't help. I mean, I really hate to dog on this guy, considering he has a thick Euro accent, has no vocal range, and is "old", but it cannot go unnoticed.
Then, the film is too cartoony, Jee-Woon's signature style. Yes, it may have worked in the Good the Bad and the Weird, but here, it just doesn't quite work. It seems very cheap looking. Come to think of it.....cartoony isn't Jee-Woon's style. Two Sisters and I Saw the Devil were very gritty, though sometimes Devil could get a little too cartoonish. It's just that the style in this film is so grating. It reminds me of the Good the Bad and the Weird, but it definitely doesn't have the scripting style that film had.
Then, comes in another problem, it's script. I like some of the actors that showed up in this film. From Forrest "Something Bad Happened Here" Whitaker to Peter Stormare (the bad guy in Fargo), I really did like their appearances and they had some real charm to them. However, the script more than often lets them down as, again, nothing witty or funny is thrown at them. It's just really sad to see that their careers have come down to this....Well....Forrest Whitaker did star in that racist film, the Buttler....But, I'm kinda pissed that Peter Stormare hasn't had a John Lithgow career yet. I liked the guy in Prison Break and in Fargo. Sad.
It's attempts at humor are, again, awfully bland. Who wrote this film? Peter Jackson? Goodness, the humor ranges from Johnny Knoxville (a painfully unfunny comedian) shooting a watermelon to fucking Johnny Knoxville shooting a mini-gun. Also, it stars that fat Mexican guy from all those strange films like Waiting.... and Punch-Drunk Love (though I love this one), and let's say that this guy is rather interesting....And then, he gets a 50 cal bullet to the chest. Which brings me to the one redeeming value of this film. It is gleefully violent. Some of the action sequences are freaking sweet. Take for example, when Schwarzenegger blew that guy's brains out while falling. Now that is what I came for...Too bad it took 1 hour and 20 minutes just to get to some Schwarzenegger kicking butt!!!
Overall, it does have some gleefully over-the-top moments of pure fun...But that doesn't excuse the boring first half, the terrible acting, and the lack of Schwarzenegger one-liners. I came for a freaking sweet time! From the director of my second favorite horror film (Love ya, Freaks) and my personal favorite action star, comes quite possibly the most disappointing film ever. Kim Jee-Woon's perfect track record with me is now ruined because he went to America to film this film. I think Koreans should just stay making their films like how they are, considering how this and Stoker were awful. In the end, there's much worse fare (Bullet to the Head? Anyone?), but this is not a good film.
3/10
